Sean is 2 months old

Can you believe that Sean has been here for 2 months already? I can't. I can't believe I have survived 2 months with two kids under two years old. I can't believe nothing majorly traumatic has happened. I am surprised by how much stress I can actually handle. I am grateful that my marriage is strong enough to withstand the constant ups & downs we have experienced since Sean is born.

Sean's latest stats are 9lbs 2oz and 23" long. His head circumference is 36.5cm. 2 weeks ago he was 8lbs 8oz and 22.5" long. His pediatrician said that even for a typical child he's doing really really well. And just for comparison Meredith was 9lbs 11oz & 23", head circumference was 38cm when she was 2 months old. He got 3 vaccines today and was not happy about them at all. Poor baby. It always breaks my heart when my babies cry so hard, but it's absolutely necessary. Especially for Sean.

Sean was not thrilled with all the pictures I took of him, but I don't care. He's cute even when he's yelling at me.









Today started out rough. Meredith woke up at 4:13am and after about an hour we just gave up trying to get her to go back to sleep. But.... being up early meant that she'd take an early nap. And she did. She went down for a nap at 8ish. She woke up at 9:45 and at 11 we were out of the house.

Today was the 1st day of school for the kids around here. That meant that Nathan's, the boardwalk & the aquarium were empty. It was so nice to not have to battle camp crowds or school crowds or any crowds.

First we stopped at Nathan's for lunch. We had hot dogs, fries & lemonade. Then we walked along the boardwalk to the aquarium.






















We have been cooped up in this house so much lately that as soon as Meredith was free, she set off like a caged tiger who had been set free.

Here's what Sean thought of the fresh salty sea air.



The main tank was closed today. Meredith loves that tank, but it was ok. It just meant we'd get to the sharks faster. Meredith has a thing for the sharks.
















Then it was off to the jellyfish & other goodies. She ran around that building from one exhibit to the next. It was pretty hard to keep up with her.

Then we made our way over to the "Sea Cliffs". We got to see some of the tanks from underneath. She loves the seals. And when I say loves them, that's an understatement. So we always stay just a little while longer than we do anywhere else. She watches them with such wonder in her eyes. She giggles with delight when they swim passed her. She points them out and says "they're coming" and then she watches them swim passed again. I could sit & watch her for hours while she watched the seals.























Then it was time to go home. I told her she could have some ice cream when we got home. Sean slept through most of our day and through ice cream. Which to tell you the truth wasn't so bad. Meredith & I got to have some fun today. It wasn't to hot so Sean could be out for an adventure. Meredith had already napped. Everyone was fed. The sun was shining & the humidity was low. It doesn't get much better than that. The only thing that would've made it better was to have Rob enjoy it with us.

When Rob got home from work he took Meredith & the dogs for a walk and then we headed to the pediatrician for Sean's appointment. Meredith wanted to hold Sean and so of course we let her. We try to always have an activity for Meredith to do while we're waiting. Usually it's crayons. She gets to color on the paper that lines the table and it keeps her busy until the dr comes in. And it doesn't even matter whose appointment it is.

What can you see?

Some days all I see is that my son has down syndrome. He has the "look". I always wonder if I only see it because I know he has it or not. Then there are some ays when I can't see it at all.

I also wonder if because I'm his mother I'm looking for things that aren't there. Does he really look like me? Does that mean I look like I have down syndrome? And why does that carry a negative connotation? Does he look like Meredith? Does Meredith look like she has something different about her too? Will Meredith wonder if there is something wrong with her if people say Sean looks like her? I realize none of these questions will ever have answers, but it doesn't stop me from wondering them.

I'm also worried that I'm not doing enough for Sean. I feel like I should be doing more to prevent him from falling behind an average child. But in all honesty I don't know what else I can do. Everyone keeps saying to just treat him like any other newborn. And when meredith was a newborn & infant, I wondered what else I could be doing to help prevent her from falling behind too. So I guess I'm right on track with treating him the same as any other infant.

I don't know what kind of toys he likes. I don't know what kind of music he likes. I don't know how to engage him more. I don't know what works. I feel like I spend most of my time with him either feeding him or trying to get him to sleep. Obviously I do other things as well, but most of our time is spent doing those things. Or he's in the lillebaby being worn while I do other things with Meredith. And I know that infants take it all in because everything is new to them, but at what point am I not doing enough?

Sean has started to track objects though. This is one thing I was really worried about. Now we have to work on smiling consistently. I know he does smile sometimes, but I'm really looking to know that he's happy. I'm dying to know that he's engaged by me and likes me. I know he's still very new & he's not like other kids. He's Sean. I'm having a really hard time with that. I don't know what's just normal infant stuff & what's not.

I'm also having a really hard time helping Meredith to do things & activities. She watches entirely to much tv. She doesn't complain, but I can tell she's bored. Granted the last few weeks we haven't been able to do things because one or both of them has been sick, but still. It's also hard to leave Sean at home & take Meredith somewhere. I have such an great amount of mommy guilt. Will Sean see pictures of Meredith doing things & wonder why he wasn't there? Is it good for me to leave Sean when we're still trying to establish a good nursing relationship? I don't want him to take to many bottles during the day unless truly necessary. I want him to nurse seamlessly and I feel like the more bottles he gets, the less seamless nursing is going to be. I feel guilty for leaving Sean with Rob because then Rob can't enjoy things with us. Or if Rob takes Meredith somewhere I feel jealous because I'm not there with them.

I have to find a new balance. I have to get over my tremendous guilt. I will find a way. I will get through this chapter.

New Pictures

Because I'm to lazy to give each activity it's own post. So here they are :)

Hanging with "ate ema"

The king finally sleeps


Enjoying a spare rib




Proud of her carnage


Mommy shows her how to have a sunkist smile






Meredith's interpretation of "Go sit next to Dutchess"




Sean rolling over


Sean scooting on his belly.


Meredith using those belly muscles to get up on the chair I just told her not to go on


"Meredith who are you talking to? 
"Daddy"


Showing some puppy love: Brewster


"and this is your nose"

More puppy love: Dutchess



Meredith makes brownies













Meredith enjoys the best part

Sean's updates

Sean started his speech therapy on Monday. His therapist seems really nice and seems to know her stuff. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be getting from the therapy though. She watches me nurse Sean and so far we're only massaging his gums & wiping his face with a wet wash cloth. All to "wake up his nerves". I'm not saying that these things don't help, but these were things I was already doing.

I've also figured that in order to have Sean primed & ready to nurse he has to wake up about 15-30 minutes prior to her arrival. This allows enough time for Sean to wake up, stretch, hit snooze a couple of time, poop, etc. Then he's ready to nurse.

During her 1st visit Meredith was very insure about the therapist. She was very upset that there was a stranger touching her Sean. She kept screaming "No touch baby Sean!" I invited Meredith to sit with me while Maureen got a feel for Sean. Maureen tried to give Meredith toys and Meredith just gave her the side eye. Then Meredith pooped. She funked out the entire house. As a friend put it...... Meredith was marking her territory. I'm just glad she didn't whip off the diaper, lift her leg & pee on the couch or worse; on Maureen. Maureen even asked me if Meredith spoke. Um..... yeah. She's just shy. The 2nd time Maureen came, Meredith was better. Thank goodness.

We went to the cardiologist this morning. Sean's tetralogy is following the textbook and doing exactly what it should be doing. Sean's body continues to fight & balance itself out. His oxygen saturation was 98% today. As usual he did amazingly well through the echocardiogram. It is normal for Sean to turn purple/blue when he's really crying hard. The crying is forcing poorly oxygenated blood into his body. The dr said that he sees a lot of babies that are overweight because every time they cry the parents shove a bottle or breast into the babies' mouth in order for it to stop crying and thus stop turning colors. I haven't done that. Beside..... when Sean is really going, he's pretty much inconsolable until he's worked it out.

We do not have to see the cardiologist before his surgery unless anything changes.

His weight as of today is 8lbs 10oz and 22.5 inches long. Hooray!!! Our target weight is 10lbs at 3 months old and we're on track to reach that ideal for surgery.