That's what my mother said to me. In fact she has said it to me in many different fashions. The simple fact that she said it to me is the main reason why I'd never give her the satisfaction of calling her to apologize for giving her probably more gray hair during my rein as gymnast than at any other time.
Wanna know why? Because I did. I had a kid just like me. In fact.... I had 2.
With Meredith now in gymnastics I now understand the physical act of having a stroke and/or heart attack when my child decides she's going to practice all her new moves on whatever surface she can.
My child has taken to diving off of the couch. Practicing her balance beam routine on parking lot barriers. She has taken to swinging from bars meant to keep children from falling at the playground. She practices tumbling on her bed or off the bed as the case may be. She practices on & off of my bed (which by the way is higher off the ground than her bed). In the restaurant. At the fountain by Well Fargo in Charlotte.
Yes ladies & germs..... I had a child just like me. Flexible, eager & determined to give me a stroke at every turn. Just to show me can do "it" because she's 4 now. OH DEAR GOD!!!
The other guy.... well... He's stubborn and just like I'd never give my mother the satisfaction.... he's not giving me the satisfaction.
That little stinker can totally stand. Can totally walk. Don't believe me. I wish I had video of him walking. Like full on walking across the room at physical therapy like he's been doing it his whole life. But alas.... he wouldn't give me the satisfaction. Apparently the camera is like kryptonite to a kid like him (us). Rotten. But.... I did trick him into standing.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
My baby girl is 4 years old.
I can't believe it!
It seems she went from this itty bitty baby.........
to this sweet & sassy little girl over night.
Where she used to toddle toward me.
She's now a graceful gymnast. Ok.... as graceful as a 4 year can be.
She'll always be my little baby, but she's growing into such an amazing young lady.
We celebrated this weekend with a great group of friends. Meredith had a great time. I'm grateful. Grateful for my little girl's happiness. Grateful for friends that are and are becoming like family.
Her actual birthday was very nice & quiet. She had a very nice little party at school celebrating with her new friends. She actually spoke on the phone & was gracious for all of the good birthday wishes she was getting. Because it was her birthday, she got to have ice cream for dinner. Our friends were able to come with us and Meredith was so happy. She wore her new Ariel wig and everything was right with the world.
Ice cream was eaten. Laughs were had.
The next day was party day!! Our yard was turned into a summertime mecca of fun.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Making Peace with My Parenting
I am in no way, shape or form the kind of mother I thought I was going to be. My children are in no way, shape or form the children I thought I was destined to have.
I am impatient. I have deep seeded resentments toward my children for not sleeping as well as the children I thought I was destined to have would have slept. I curse in front of my children (not to be confused with cursing at them. I'd never do that.) because quite frankly, it's the only way they stay alive. I speak in annoyingly accusatory tones to my husband in front of them because sometimes just letting it out regardless of what little ears hear is the only way he stays alive. I even allow my kids to have ice cream for lunch. And sometimes.... I even allow it for dinner on the same day. Ya know why? Sometimes having something I know they're guaranteed to eat that I didn't have to prepare.... is the only way they stay alive.
I hate that my 4 year old feels the need to always have her feet touching me and that she hogs my entire bed when she's lucky enough to sleep in it. I cannot stand that my son thinks it's hysterical to be under my feet every single time I turn around and that he puts himself right in the line of fire for Dutchess (our dog) to run right into him and knock him over. Or that the one thing that might send me over the edge is the one thing they do over & over & over & over.
It drives me positively batty that when I need them to, neither of my children can just suck "it" up for 5 minutes so I can pee, buy a new shirt, etc.
Judge away. I'm ok with it. I've made my peace with the fact that I will never be a perfect parent. Hell.... I've made my peace with not even being on the same spectrum of perfection. The only thing I do perfectly is love them.
I have decided to give up on the guilt I used to feel. Maybe my kids watch to much tv, but my children also live full & active lives. That mommy guilt is a horrible thing. Websites like pinterest and Facebook, where parents/caregivers can show off what they've done or want to do with their kids doesn't help either.
I need a tshirt that screams, in florescent green, "I'M NOT PERFECT."
Not even in the eyes of my 4 year old. Except maybe when I'm allowing her to eat some of the chocolate bar I've been hiding. At which point she'll exclaim "You're the best mommy ever!"
As a mom, wife, woman.... I need to know that I'm not alone in my imperfection. That's why I'm putting this out there.
In order to shed my guilt I needed to let go of the idea that I'm not supposed to be annoyed by my kids. Ever. I needed to let go of the idea that they were always supposed to the light of my every single moment of the day.
I needed to re-embrace the notion that I am ENTITLED to have an identity outside of Meredith & Sean's mommy. Now that's not to say that going out for late evening trysts with friends or on the late night date with Rob is worth the exhaustion the next day, but lunch, brunch & dinner are welcomed distractions from mommy burn out.
Sending my kids to school is a welcomed distraction and allows me time to get back to me. It allows me some flexibility and allows me time to process.
I am free from the guilt I used to feel. I am free to breathe easier. My kids still smile, laugh & play. They still have active imaginations and they'll grow up to be model citizens even though I'm not perfect.
Tomorrow.... a wrap up of the kids' first week of school and Meredith's start to gymnastics. :)
I am impatient. I have deep seeded resentments toward my children for not sleeping as well as the children I thought I was destined to have would have slept. I curse in front of my children (not to be confused with cursing at them. I'd never do that.) because quite frankly, it's the only way they stay alive. I speak in annoyingly accusatory tones to my husband in front of them because sometimes just letting it out regardless of what little ears hear is the only way he stays alive. I even allow my kids to have ice cream for lunch. And sometimes.... I even allow it for dinner on the same day. Ya know why? Sometimes having something I know they're guaranteed to eat that I didn't have to prepare.... is the only way they stay alive.
I hate that my 4 year old feels the need to always have her feet touching me and that she hogs my entire bed when she's lucky enough to sleep in it. I cannot stand that my son thinks it's hysterical to be under my feet every single time I turn around and that he puts himself right in the line of fire for Dutchess (our dog) to run right into him and knock him over. Or that the one thing that might send me over the edge is the one thing they do over & over & over & over.
It drives me positively batty that when I need them to, neither of my children can just suck "it" up for 5 minutes so I can pee, buy a new shirt, etc.
Judge away. I'm ok with it. I've made my peace with the fact that I will never be a perfect parent. Hell.... I've made my peace with not even being on the same spectrum of perfection. The only thing I do perfectly is love them.
I have decided to give up on the guilt I used to feel. Maybe my kids watch to much tv, but my children also live full & active lives. That mommy guilt is a horrible thing. Websites like pinterest and Facebook, where parents/caregivers can show off what they've done or want to do with their kids doesn't help either.
I need a tshirt that screams, in florescent green, "I'M NOT PERFECT."
Not even in the eyes of my 4 year old. Except maybe when I'm allowing her to eat some of the chocolate bar I've been hiding. At which point she'll exclaim "You're the best mommy ever!"
As a mom, wife, woman.... I need to know that I'm not alone in my imperfection. That's why I'm putting this out there.
In order to shed my guilt I needed to let go of the idea that I'm not supposed to be annoyed by my kids. Ever. I needed to let go of the idea that they were always supposed to the light of my every single moment of the day.
I needed to re-embrace the notion that I am ENTITLED to have an identity outside of Meredith & Sean's mommy. Now that's not to say that going out for late evening trysts with friends or on the late night date with Rob is worth the exhaustion the next day, but lunch, brunch & dinner are welcomed distractions from mommy burn out.
Sending my kids to school is a welcomed distraction and allows me time to get back to me. It allows me some flexibility and allows me time to process.
I am free from the guilt I used to feel. I am free to breathe easier. My kids still smile, laugh & play. They still have active imaginations and they'll grow up to be model citizens even though I'm not perfect.
Tomorrow.... a wrap up of the kids' first week of school and Meredith's start to gymnastics. :)
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Sean's 1st day of school
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not profoundly religious. But today.....
I sat on a faded bench in the Garden of Quiet Reflection and I prayed. I didn't pray for Sean's future. I didn't pray for Sean's destiny.
I sat on that faded bench, paint worn from many years of reflection and I prayed for Sean's dignity. I prayed that Sean wouldn't be singled out as retarded and that he'd always be treated well.
And he was treated well. His teacher reported that he had a great day & that while coloring he stayed on the paper most of the time. Woot woot! That's better than coloring the cushion in the booth at IHOP like he did last weekend. ::::blush:::: (Of course we cleaned it, but still)
She said that every time she picked him up, Sean would snuggle. I guess he likes her. :) I'm glad.
Laughing because apparently he babbled that he was gonna kick my plant over
And then he did. Stinker!
Bending down to show me which one it was.
Refusing to stand for a picture with Sissy. Who by the way did awesome today (2nd day) too!!!
Walking into school together.
Taking off before I could even say goodbye
At his favorite thing in the whole world.
INCLUDED!!
Getting ready to go home
I'm hopeful that Sean's year will go well & that he will soar to heights never before imagined.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Lady M starts school
Today was Meredith's first day of school. She went right in with a "Bye Mom. Love you!" And that was it. No tears. No clinging. It was painless and for that I'm grateful.
She loves her teacher and even has "homework". She likes the kids in her class too. Phew!
I hope the whole year goes this well.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Preschool Open House
Meredith & Sean's preschool open house was this passed Wednesday. This school is a typical preschool. It's at a Methodist church a few miles away from us. We opted not to send Sean to a special needs preschool for a variety of reasons, but most importantly because we felt he'd gain & be challenged more from a typical preschool than he would be at a special needs preschool. We also opted to send him at age 2 (like we did with Meredith), instead of 3 because we felt that it just couldn't hurt and if he showed he wasn't ready, we'd just pull him out until next year.
It doesn't hurt that because both kids are in the same school, I only have one drop off. Yes purely selfish, but hey! I'm entitled to a little convenience.
I haven't been worried about Meredith at all. I don't have any of the "is she going to be ok" jitters. I'm not wondering if she's going to be stuck to my leg at all. I know she's gung ho now, but come Tuesday, she's going to be a clingy mess. At least for a few days. But her teacher is wonderful and so far Meredith really likes her. Meredith was not as shy as she has been in previous years. Plus.... Miss. Shae knows how to teach a child like Meredith.
Now Sean.... Well Sean is a completely different case. There's no camera in the room broadcasting for me to watch like Fastrack had for Meredith. The teacher is not experienced working with children with Down Syndrome. In fact she told me "it just has to be similar to teaching a child with autism." Cue the crickets here.
It's going to be a learning process for all of us. I know that, but I'm nervous for Sean. I'm nervous for me.
At the open house Sean went right in & played well with the other kids. He didn't wanna leave when it was time. I guess that's a good thing?
One thing that stuck out in my mind is that Sean's teacher said (while at the open house) that if Sean (or any other kid) wasn't able to sit in circle time, he'd be brought to the 1 year old room for those 10 minutes. And I thought I had misunderstood her. I hoped I misunderstood her. It was chaotic with all the parents & kids around. So I left it alone and kind of stewed about it. "How come she had already labeled my baby?", I wondered and got annoyed about.
After a few hours (when I felt things had calmed down for Ms. Jana) I called her. Just to make sure I understood correctly & see how we could work around this if I had. I did in fact understand correctly and I have to say that mama bear did come out. I hope that Ms. Jana knows that I don't wanna be "that mom", but I will.
I calmly explained that Sean already knows how to be a 1 year old. I need, he needs and we all want him to know how to be a 2 year old.
If a 2 year old is expected to sit in circle time, then I expect Sean to sit in circle time. Even if that means he has to sit on a lap or be given a quiet toy to hold. She explained that there is one child that she knows of that is quite disruptive and unable to circle in circle time. He also tries to get other kids to join in the disruption. And I said "Well if his parents are good with it, that's fine. I'm not."
She said that was fine and Sean would stay in the class. I said that he absolutely should be brought out if he's melting down to cool off, but he should be brought back into her class.
We discussed many things and I hope that Ms. Jana knows that I want to work WITH her to ensure Sean is successful, but I won't hesitate to let her know when something doesn't sit right. And I hate that I had to be all mama bear before school even started. I'm sure I'm totally labeled now. Oy. But I'm glad we cleared that up. It would've eaten away at me like no one's business. She agreed to call me if she sees a pattern of "bad" behavior developing so that we can work on it at home and would let me know before any major changes were made to Sean's day. She said that from what she saw of Sean today while he was playing with the other kids, there wouldn't be any issues and that he was going to do well. Phew.... She was watching him. I knew it!
Here's to a wonderful school year. I'm hopeful that both of my children will do well and learn things I could never teach them. Or at the very least that neither wants to learn from me. I'm sure that as I learn to navigate having a child with special needs in a typical school, that I'll learn things (maybe a little patience?) I could never learn any other way.
It doesn't hurt that because both kids are in the same school, I only have one drop off. Yes purely selfish, but hey! I'm entitled to a little convenience.
I haven't been worried about Meredith at all. I don't have any of the "is she going to be ok" jitters. I'm not wondering if she's going to be stuck to my leg at all. I know she's gung ho now, but come Tuesday, she's going to be a clingy mess. At least for a few days. But her teacher is wonderful and so far Meredith really likes her. Meredith was not as shy as she has been in previous years. Plus.... Miss. Shae knows how to teach a child like Meredith.
Now Sean.... Well Sean is a completely different case. There's no camera in the room broadcasting for me to watch like Fastrack had for Meredith. The teacher is not experienced working with children with Down Syndrome. In fact she told me "it just has to be similar to teaching a child with autism." Cue the crickets here.
It's going to be a learning process for all of us. I know that, but I'm nervous for Sean. I'm nervous for me.
At the open house Sean went right in & played well with the other kids. He didn't wanna leave when it was time. I guess that's a good thing?
One thing that stuck out in my mind is that Sean's teacher said (while at the open house) that if Sean (or any other kid) wasn't able to sit in circle time, he'd be brought to the 1 year old room for those 10 minutes. And I thought I had misunderstood her. I hoped I misunderstood her. It was chaotic with all the parents & kids around. So I left it alone and kind of stewed about it. "How come she had already labeled my baby?", I wondered and got annoyed about.
After a few hours (when I felt things had calmed down for Ms. Jana) I called her. Just to make sure I understood correctly & see how we could work around this if I had. I did in fact understand correctly and I have to say that mama bear did come out. I hope that Ms. Jana knows that I don't wanna be "that mom", but I will.
I calmly explained that Sean already knows how to be a 1 year old. I need, he needs and we all want him to know how to be a 2 year old.
If a 2 year old is expected to sit in circle time, then I expect Sean to sit in circle time. Even if that means he has to sit on a lap or be given a quiet toy to hold. She explained that there is one child that she knows of that is quite disruptive and unable to circle in circle time. He also tries to get other kids to join in the disruption. And I said "Well if his parents are good with it, that's fine. I'm not."
She said that was fine and Sean would stay in the class. I said that he absolutely should be brought out if he's melting down to cool off, but he should be brought back into her class.
We discussed many things and I hope that Ms. Jana knows that I want to work WITH her to ensure Sean is successful, but I won't hesitate to let her know when something doesn't sit right. And I hate that I had to be all mama bear before school even started. I'm sure I'm totally labeled now. Oy. But I'm glad we cleared that up. It would've eaten away at me like no one's business. She agreed to call me if she sees a pattern of "bad" behavior developing so that we can work on it at home and would let me know before any major changes were made to Sean's day. She said that from what she saw of Sean today while he was playing with the other kids, there wouldn't be any issues and that he was going to do well. Phew.... She was watching him. I knew it!
Here's to a wonderful school year. I'm hopeful that both of my children will do well and learn things I could never teach them. Or at the very least that neither wants to learn from me. I'm sure that as I learn to navigate having a child with special needs in a typical school, that I'll learn things (maybe a little patience?) I could never learn any other way.
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