Silence speaks volumes

Often times when the least amount of words are spoken, the most is actually being said.

I am writing this because I need to get it out. I need to get the feelings out of my system because they are eating me alive.

I feel very strongly about that. I don't say anything about someone I wouldn't/don't say directly to that person. Anyone who knows me well, knows that. I don't allow others to think it's ok to disrespect the most important people in my life (or anyone for that matter). Again, if the people closest to me have a problem, I do too. I support my husband & my children and those closest to me 100% even if I don't agree with their cause. I also don't believe that if you're disrespectful of me, you have any entitlement to my kids & their welfare or me and mine.

So why then do I feel like the same is not being done toward me? Why do I feel like I have chosen people to share my life that allow others to think it's ok to disrespect me? Why do I feel like I don't have anyone on my side? Why do I feel like I'm not supported by those closest to me?

The above questions make me ill. I feel sick to my stomach.

Growing up, I always felt alone. Always. I never felt that I could trust the people I was supposed to be able to trust the most. In my teen years that was only proven to me over & over & over again. The people that were always supposed to be in my corner, never were. The people that were supposed to support my causes never did. Never kept my secrets. Always said they would, but never did. Never told anyone it wasn't ok to disrespect me. Always said "yeah yeah. It was wrong." And right back to being their best friends.

As I reached my adult years and have grown a tad more wise, I've made wiser choses as to whom I chose to share my life with.

Some of those choses have proven to be good choses. Some not so good. But I learned from them. All of them.

And now I feel that way again. In recent years, I have stood by and allowed so many things to pass right under my nose because it was for the greater good to do so. Certain things though.... I just cannot.

Unfortunately, allowing those things to pass under my nose has bitten me right in the butt. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to matter that I feel very strongly about something because I am once again being asked to compromise. When is it other people's turn? When does someone, other than me, say enough is enough. YOU WENT TO FAR! When does someone stand in my corner?

For now, I have chosen not to bring it up beyond what has already been said. It will only serve to frustrate and upset me more that those I felt I could trust, I can't.