How's the summer treating you?

Right now I'm sitting on my front porch. I'm enjoying a glass of vino and just sort of making sense of the last few weeks. Taking it all in. I feel like it's been forever since I sat on the "stoop" in the summer time. Granted I don't have a "stoop" now, but....

 

I would say that summer so far has been interesting. Between the monsoon rain and then the all consuming heat....

Of course there is the losing sight of Sean at both the pool (twice) and the zoo. That boy is the source of all my gray hair. For real. Becoming closer with some friends (you know who you are). Finding our "spot" in the community as a whole.

 

We are not doing to badly this summer.

 

I am officially 26 weeks  (and change) pregnant. And while I was pregnant with both Meredith and Sean in the summer, this time around is different. Much different. For starters.... the humidity down in NC is just that. It's humid. It's not smoggy humidity. It's just plain humid. I sweat, but I don't feel like I need a shower 10 seconds after I step outside my door. And with my last 2 children, I wasn't chasing Sean around like a crazy nut. Man that boy is stealthy & quick.

 

And geez.... I'm 26 weeks pregnant. I have 14 weeks left and while I would never wish for a preemie or a baby who wasn't done cooking.... I am so over being pregnant. I am so uncomfortable. This baby went from hanging out really low to planking. I look like I'm harboring a torpedo in there.

 

 

Please... don't mind the hair. That's the after the pool shower hair.

 

But gawd.... my self esteem is really not in the best of spots and getting bigger is really not doing anything for me. I feel like I'm lumbering around and just barely able to move. I'll spare you the gory details.

 

All told I haven't gained much in the way of weight. Yet. And what weight I have gained has been centered at the belly. So I'm grateful for that. As of 3.5 weeks ago I had only gained 10lbs. I can't imagine I've gained that much more.

 

Rob & I have learned some valuable lessons thanks to Sean. We were able to be very lax with Meredith. She never left our side and was always content doing just what she was doing. Not Sean. He is a ball of constant movement & independent exploration. I'm told it's a boy thing.

 

We learned (thanks to my friend Erin) that it doesn't matter if you no longer get invited to BBQs because your friends at the pool think you're part of a Special Ops military team. Your son will be safe. We have learned that kids will get used to their puddle jumpers.
 

. Our son has learned that if you don't wear one... well... you get locked into the stroller to sit & watch ALL the other kids play with your toys in the water. Now at least if his parents decide to have a conversation and he wanders off... we don't have to look at the bottom of the pool. We haven't had a wandering issue since the 2nd & last time at the pool.

 

Did you ever think a puddle jumper could be so comfy?

 

 

I have since brought the kids to the pool twice by myself. And by George... I nailed it! No one got lost. No one cried or had a meltdown. Potty breaks were facilitated by friends watching the little guy. Everyone got their recommended dosage of applied & reapplied sunblock. I managed to keep everyone hydrated and to keep their bellies full.

I even managed to get both kids in the water at the same time and neither of them felt slighted. Woot woot!!!

 

Meredith is learning how to trust herself in all aspects. Even in the pool. It's so amazing to watch her experiment and see what else she's capable of. I think she's so amazing.

 

 

 

 

She has started camp. She goes in the mornings 3 days a week. I have been kind of iffy about sending her, but she seems to enjoy it. At least from the last 2 days. She goes again on Friday. She asks for me to walk her in in the morning, but has no problem being led out with her counselor in the afternoon. Baby steps. I can handle it. Maybe.

 

On Sunday we met up with a beginning photographer to have some photos taken. I decided that I'd be bold and wear white. I didn't get all matchy matchy with the family because quite frankly I just want everyone to be comfy. And if that means Meredith wore her giraffe dress while the boy had on blue... then so be it. I wasn't starting the day off badly. She could've worn a clown suit for all I care. Ok maybe not a clown suit.

 

Anyway... I decided to go against my norm and wore white. I'm almost regretting that. I was incredibly bloated and probably could've used a little camouflaging black, but I didn't want to blend in with the scenery.

 

What she has sent me so far I really like. I don't necessarily like how I look, but I like what she's captured.

 

Ok I'm half way lying.... I LOVE my hair. Read: Pink Puffy Heart LOVE. I just wish carrying a child in your arms didn't result in odd body/clothing angles and weird posture. Humpf.

 

She's captured our love for each other. I love those moments of unposed happiness while trying to pose for a frameable family picture where everyone is looking & smiling.

 

 

 

Come on... do you not love the giraffe hugging Huck Finn picture?

 

The hat....? Well since you've asked. The hat was Rob's gpa's (who has passed away). I decided to bring it out because Rob really likes the hat and I thought it would be nice for Rob's son to wear his great-gpa's hat, but the hat has seen better days. Between moving & then storing the hat.... Sean however, could care less what kind of condition that hat is in. He adores it. He wears it sideways, backward. He doesn't care as long as it adorns his head.

 

At the moment it is sitting on my dining room table waiting for itty bitty hands to wake up in search of it.

 

I never knew a hat could make a kid so happy, but it does.

 

 

 

The only problem is fighting with the boy when he insists on wearing it to the pool. That's where I draw the line because it will get really ruined there. Not just loved.

 

So that's our summer so far. Tomorrow I'll be picking up the disc with the rest of the photos from Sunday. I'm excited. I can't wait to see them.

Open Doors to Acceptance

Being a mom is hard. Trying to find a preschool for your children where they will learn skills they will use for life is hard. At school they will learn their ABC's, 123's, they will learn to sit in a circle, they will learn the rules of the playground. Not to hit their friends. Not to cheat. How to play tag. To listen to the teachers. To learn to be good citizens.

Being a mom to a child with special needs is hard. Trying to find a preschool that will treat your child with special needs like every other child is HARD. At school they will learn their ABC's, 123's, they will learn to sit in a circle, they will learn the rules of the playground. Not to hit their friends. Not to cheat. How to play tag. To listen to the teachers. To learn to be good citizens.

Are you surprised that I "wrote" that twice? Why? Are you surprised to learn that children with special needs need & want to learn that stuff too? Are you surprised to learn that they WILL learn those things?

When we looked at various preschools in our new area we looked at schools that would be good for both children. Where both children would be accepted, nurtured & where they'd thrive. Going to the same school was gravy for me because it meant one drop off in the morning & one pick up in the afternoon. Was I hell bent on making sure they went to the same school? Sort of, but I always knew that not every school was going to be good for both of them.

Here's the tricky part. Even though any one school wouldn't necessarily be good for both children, I wanted a school that was happy to try to provide an environment where both kids could thrive. I wanted a school where the director & teachers were willing to meet with me to figure out how to best teach Sean. To figure out how to bring consistency in what we're teaching him at home and in therapy.

What I didn't expect when I began my search was how many educators, who claim to want nothing, but the best for all children, pulled in the welcome mat at the first sound of Down syndrome. "No. We're very sorry. We're not equipped to deal with special needs." "We'd love to teach a child like Sean, but we're unable to ensure he'd get what he needs."

In my mind I assumed that in order to teach any child effectively, one must find out how that child learns. Does it surprise you to learn that typical kids learn differently from each other as well? I assumed that as early childhood educators they'd know that EVERY child has a differently learning style and that no one teaching style works for everyone.

So when I was pulled aside to be reminded that in order for Sean to join the preschool that Meredith is currently enrolled in he had to be walking "for the safety of the class?" I was annoyed, surprised and then angry. Very, very angry. Annoyed that I was pulled aside during morning drop off instead of asked to come into the director's office. Surprised that she felt the need to say "Oh I thought you were carrying him because it was easier." Um.. why yes. It is easier than dragging him along the concrete. What's your point? And then angry. Angry because what did his walking have to do with his ability to learn the things taught in preschool? Angry because my kid can butt hop faster than most full on runners his age. And angry because I thought I had found a school that was accepting of Sean. The director was nice though ::::insert eye roll here:::: She was going to let us hold off on paying the 1st tuition payment until September. "You know. Just in case he's not walking." Complete with whispering & head tilt.

Then I got really angry because what the hell did Sean's not walking have to do with the safety of the class? Because the teacher or assistant may have had to help him a little more? This particular class helps with potty training & diaper changes. Helping Sean get around would've been so inconvenient?

It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. We set out last week to find a new preschool for the kids starting in September. Hmmmmm if Meredith enjoyed BPC, why am I taking her out of BPC? Well.... as I explained in my letter to BPC, "it is unacceptable for either of my children to goto a school whose practices, intentional or unintentionally, communicate exclusion." And I firmly believe that. If Sean had been accepted, but the school wasn't a good fit, great we change him to a better fit. But at least Meredith would still learn that they tried when she asked why Sean didn't goto her school.

EDIT: We did find a wonderful school recommended by Sean's EI service coordinator. They have experience working with children of all abilities and they have some excellent programs for both kids. 

Sean is more like his typical peers than he is different. He drinks his sippy one straw at a time.

He gets into more trouble.... mischief.... adventure than any kid I've met before him.

He knows how to sit & hang out and not run wild. Maybe that's what it was.... maybe the director assumed that his extra chromosome would make him a  wild man.

Maybe she thought he wouldn't know what to do with various toys.

Maybe she thought he couldn't hang in the fine motor skills department. HA!!!

Or that he wouldn't be able to sit nicely & enjoy snack time.

Or know what to do when he got to the door to get outside.

Maybe she thought he was just to silly for his own good. Ok. OK. He is, but..... what would that have to do with the safety of the class.

It could just be that she realized the teacher would be so smitten with this bad ass that she wouldn't be able to teach the rest of the class with the same amount of passion as she would have taught Sean.

All I know is that at the end of the day.... I don't have the energy to fight the constant fight of acceptance. For every one person, company, doctor, etc that isn't accepting of Sean or tries to dress up their discrimination to make it look like sincere concern; there are 10 more that are more than happy to accept that not everyone is the same.

And while I may not have the energy to fight, I always have the energy to shop around. I will always have the energy to teach my children that they don't have to knock doors down to open them. They can turn the knobs on several doors to find one that's open & just the right fit.

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Rob,

I know that I may not tell you that I love you enough, but please know that I do. I may not tell you what an amazing daddy I think you are, but please know that's exactly how I feel. Some days it's very easy to allow ourselves to get into a rut. While I don't necessarily like that a "holiday" has to remind me to tell you these things..... I'm also glad we have it so I can.

I couldn't ask for a more endearing husband. I couldn't ask for a better father for our children. I watch the patient way you love them. The loving way you embrace them. I see the unending love you have for them and it warms me to my soul.

It takes a very special person to be silly with an "almost 3 year old". Yes that what she told me the other day. "I not 2. I almost 3." It takes an amazing man to be able to juggle everything life has to offer with 2 small ones and come out smiling & more in love with your kids because of it.

Your silliness with them, compassion toward them, love for them and happiness with them do not go un-noticed or unappreciated. I do notice and I do appreciate it. And so do Meredith & Sean. I want you to remember that the smiles that light up their faces when you come home from work are their way of telling you how special you are to them. Or the way Meredith gets excited & squeals with excitement when she knows you're going to scoop her up for a giant hug. The way Sean reaches for you & nuzzles deep into your shoulder when you pick him up. These are special ways they let you know each & every day how much you mean to them.

Thats why they were so excited to take pictures to celebrate you & everything you are. They were excited to paint special frames and wrap them so delicately in wrapping paper Meredith made special for you.










Meredith was especially happy to see the smile on your face that showed her how happy her time & effort made you. She was so excited to show you her special projects and give you the card that she picked out all by herself. She was proud that she got to help Seany pick out a special card for him to give you too.

She didn't care that her projects were messy. She just knew she wanted them to be perfect for you. And perfect they are.
   



Happy Father Day to you my love. 

My Mother's Day Gift

This year all I wanted were some photos celebrating the wonderful life I have. I wanted them to showcase the love my children & I share. The love that makes me more than a mother. The love that makes me a mommy.

All photos are courtesy of CCB Photography.  We were very lucky to have found Carmen. She was very sweet and kept up with my rambunctious brood. To bad they were both in a mood. :/ Thank you Carmen for capturing our family in such a great way. We picked a picture perfect day at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. These are just a sampling of what she took for us.