Thought I was passed "it"

With everything I've had going on lately, I guess I thought I had gotten passed the queasy feeling I used to get when discussing down syndrome and my son. Not that I thought we were passed the fact that he needs some extra help (like a lot of other kids). I guess I thought I was passed the insecurity.

Yesterday I totally proved wrong. When talking about school with a friend, I mentioned something about down syndrome. Someone said "Oh I noticed it right away that he has down syndrome."

I don't know why, but I was totally caught off guard. I'm not sure why. It's not like he doesn't have down syndrome. He does. I think it also had a lot to do with HOW she said it.

I've always wondered what people really see when they look at him. Does he have pronounced physical features of DS? I see him everyday. I also know what I'm looking for. So I see it. Most of the time.

Either way it made me sad for Sean. It brought back all my insecurities. Did she notice right away because he's not doing something? Because he is doing something? How come I'm not doing more for him to "hide" his ds and help him fit in more? how come I even feel like I need to worry about that?

I've been in a total funk over it since yesterday. I've been looking at pictures and videos of friends' kids who are the same age only seeing the things Sean can't do yet or has no interest in doing like the other kids. I thought I was passed that. I thought I was passed the point of comparing because there is no comparison.

I guess I'm either not passed it or it's just that easy to drag me down. Either way I'm not happy about it. I have got to pull myself up and move on. My brain just can't handle any negativity. There's just no room for an all consuming elephant in the room.