One year ago.....

I found out that Sean had Down syndrome. It was such a hard day. I remember that phone call vividly. Debra S. called to give me the results of the FISH test. She said it was positive for Down syndrome, but...... there's aways a "but" right?

I was so scared. I had no idea what Down syndrome meant for us. Was the 1st counselor right? Would my baby always be a burden to his older sister? Or was Dr. Abe right when he said "even if he does have it, you'll be great!" What if Sean was profoundly affected by it? How would we be able to make sure Sean had everything he needed while maintaining some level of sanity & stability for Meredith? How would our marriage fare in all of this?

I wish I could go back & tell myself that it would be ok. I wish I could tell myself that Sean is neither a burden nor a hinderance for Meredith. That they share a special bond that nothing can ever break. I'd tell myself that Rob will be as wonderful with Sean as he was/is with Meredith. I'd tell myself things are not as hard as I thought they'd be. The more I think about it, the more I want to tell myself.

I couldn't have imagined when I saw his little profile, how much heartache I'd feel just a few hours later. Seeing his little foot now, makes me want to cry that just a few hours after, I thought about letting someone else raise him.







His wacky hair





And then looking back at his 36 week 3D ultrasound.... I remember my first thought was "he looks normal!" Ok well that was my first exclamation as well. It was my first lesson in "more alike than different'. The first of many.

I couldn't have imagined how different and how meaningful my life would be even just (just about) 10 months after he was born. I couldn't have imagined the amount of joy we'd feel. How much pride we'd feel. I couldn't have imagined that Down syndrome wouldn't make one iota of difference in our lives.






Thank you Sean for opening my eyes. Thank you for making me feel humble. Thank you for allowing me to love you. I apologize for not allowing myself to enjoy you sooner. Next year..... we celebrate our 2nd diagnosis anniversary the way it should be celebrated!