Does he understand?

I always wonder if Sean actually understands what I say to him. Is he actually learning? How long will it take him to learn "that"? 


And then you're sitting there having dinner & Sean starts doing the Itsy Bitsy spider fingers & looks at you. Then he gets excited when you sing it. WOOT WOOT! As you settle in, you ask...... "do you wanna do itsy bitsy?" And he puts his spider up to do it with you. And you sob. You cry a happy cry. He learns! He understands!!! 


Sean is starting to show that he understands just about everything we tell him. I couldn't be happier. Way to go Sean!!!! 

Spring is springing

I am watching my hydrangea blossom. It really needed to be repotted in a bigger pot. Rob & Meredith got it for me last Mother's Day. It has weathered a lot and is still going. Its gotten bigger & we even made clippings into plants.

I'm watching as my kids grow & blossom as well. I can't believe how inquisitive Meredith is. She's interested in taking in all the information she can. It's so amazing to be a part of. Just a few weeks ago I was concerned that Sean wasn't curious enough. That he wasn't inquisitive. Well...... boy has he proved me wrong once again. It's almost overnight that he is exploring his world in a whole new way. I wonder if he was more mobile whether he'd be more interested in seeing what else is "out there". Both of them learn how to do new things each day.

Sean even got a haircut! His hair was so long. Now with his new coif, he looks like a little boy. So spring is springing. Albeit, slowly....... But it is springing.



 

Torturing Myself

Lately I have been digging myself deeper & deeper into a hole. I have been looking at pictures & watching videos of Meredith from her 1st year. I love looking back at her, but I'm not watching them simply to enjoy them. I'm looking through them to see if my memory is correct about her development. I'm watching the movie to see a glimmer of hope that Sean on track.

Yes. Yes. I know. All kids will develop at their own pace regardless of the number of chromosomes they have. But I am having such a hard time accepting Sean's pace. I was doing alright and I know that pedi says he's doing well. I just can't get a handle on what is Sean's natural personality & what is the down syndrome. I feel a sense of urgent need to know what is Sean and what is the down syndrome. I know that it is all him. Yeah yeah. That's who he is because he has 3 of the 21st chromosome. Whatever. I feel this overwhelming desire to know what he'd be like if he didn't have down syndrome.

I can't seem to make it passed "if he didn't have ds, would he develop more like Meredith did?" I know I shouldn't compare them. I don't know why I can't make it passed that. I feel terribly guilty about it too. But then again.... most of the time I feel guilty for eating iced cream, but I still do that.

I'm tired of therapies. I think the therapies are great for the kids, but only serve as roadblocks to parents' happiness. The therapies only seem to be feeding my doubts about Sean's development. The therapists only see Sean for a very short time every week. And if he doesn't pt on his full showing, they dismiss it. I hate feeling like I need to defend what I know to be true in his development. I hate having to feel like one of those moms that is lying about their kids' development & what they're doing. But that's exactly what I feel like every week when a therapists asks "is he doing this? because I'm not seeing it" And I say, "He is doing that." I mean come on...... they're only here for an hour tops. Maybe in that hour he couldn't care less about showing off.

I'm also having a very hard time understanding why some of the things the therapists feel are "bad", are "bad". It's one more reason I have been watching videos of Meredith. I'm trying to get a sense of whether Meredith did these "bad" things. If she did.... then I can only assume that a lot of folks do. So why is it bad? Did that make sense? I hope so.

I now understand why so many parents don't do the exercises/activities. I now understand why a lot of kids only get the therapy when the therapists come. I do try to incorporate everything we learn into our weekly life. There is no way I can cram it all into a day. So I am for the week.

So as part of where I want to be in the future from my last post, I just want to be more relaxed. I want to be more relaxed about Sean. I want to be more relaxed about therapy. I just need to be able to enjoy Sean for who he is. I don't know how to get there or if I even can get there yet. I need to be able to shrug it off.

For now, I will continue to wallow and continue to torture myself with Meredith's videos. I will look for some glimmer of understanding of who Sean. I will continue to work on ways in which to get out of my development funk. Hopefully one of them will work soon.