Lately I've been feeling rather lonely. It's not that we don't have friends or haven't been active. We're not exactly living like hermits.
And yet... I'm so lonely. It's been hard to relate to people. I still feel like I'm walking a fine line and that I have one foot on either side of the typical/special needs line. Almost like it has to be all or nothing on one side or the other. I'm sure it's all in my head.
I also find it really difficult to find kids (typical & otherwise) around Meredith & Sean's ages & development. Development is the key word.
We've made friends who have kids with down syndrome. We've made friends who have typical kids. But... something's missing. I miss having the kind of friends that come over & just hang out. The kind of friends you don't have to scrub your house for. The kind that your kids even look forward to coming over because they know their bestie is coming too. You know the kind.
I am longing for someone to really relate to. Someone that I have more in common with than the kids.
We had the pleasure of going to M's house tonight for dinner. Her family was lovely. The food was good. The wine was good. But best of all.... the conversation flowed. There were no awkward silences. At the off chance it was quiet for a second, the kids having a good time together while the jazz played in the background, filled in.
Even though Meredith didn't have anyone quite at her level to play with this time..... It was comfortable. It was nice to have a good time. I hope they felt the same way.
And it was nice to see Sean play with someone at his exact level. C is exactly Sean's size and exactly where Sean is developmentally. I didn't leave there longing for Sean to do things C did. I felt like Sean actually had a good time too. They shared the cups and Sean taught C to push the breakfast stool over to the counter.
Bad boy Seany Rock. I have tried over & over again to tell Sean he's not supposed to teach bad habits on the first date.
Sorry for the bad pics. I wasn't quick enough with my regular camera.
I'm not sure what to do about my loneliness except wait it out & see if friendships develop into closer relationships. Fingers crossed. I hate this feeling of lonely limbo.
I think we all find ourselves maybe feeling this way at times. You are not alone. I have always felt that as I go through different phases of life there are friends that come and go as well. You never lose the old ones completely but life just changes. The good ones stick by you and are there to call on anytime. New ones are always on the horizon. But, the day to day activities, that is sometimes where you do meet up with loneliness. I too have been there..and it passes every time.
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