A boo boo in his heart

That's how I've been explaining to Meredith that Sean has a hole in his heart & will have to go stay with the doctor to have it fixed. I have been trying to prepare Meredith for what is going to come. But really, how can I do that when I, myself, am not prepared for what's to come?

How can I keep my composure when I have to explain to my 2 year old that we go to take pictures of Sean's heart because he has a boo boo in his heart? How can I explain to her that mommy is crying when she says that because she has a different kind of boo boo in her heart?

I can't believe Sean's surgery is in a little over two weeks. It feels like it's right here and a lifetime away. It can't come quick enough & yet it's coming way to fast.

There are so many things I want to tell him. That I want to show him. So many pictures I want to take. You know..... just in case.

I want him to know how much we love him. I want him to know that we're doing everything we can for him. I want him to know that I'm not letting him eat that day for his own good. I want him to know it'll be ok. I want him to know that and yet I sit here not entirely convinced.

I pray every single day that my baby comes out of this better than he went in. I pray every single day that my baby remembers that his mommy, daddy & sister love him more than words could ever say. I hope he feels our love & fights to keep feeling it.

I hope he knows how proud I am of him. How proud I am to call him my son.

He is amazing. He takes my breath away every time he smiles his toothless crooked smile at me. I pray that I get to keep seeing that smile (although with more teeth) every single day for the rest of my life. I want to be able to feel his first hug that he wraps his arms tight around me. I can't wait for the first time he says "momma". I can't wait for the first "ub ou". I pray that I get to hear & feel those things.

I bought him a "coming home" outfit. I'm trying my damndest to be optimistic. It's a baby blue knit romper. I was going to get the matching blanket, but I'm going to bring home with the blanket my friend Julie's mom made. It was made with love and that's what he should be surrounded with. Love from his family, friends that are like family and friends that are like family who are far away.





The amount of support we have received has been amazing. Thank you to everyone who has held our hand & continues to hold our hands throughout this whole thing. We most certainly couldn't have made it this far, learned so much, worked through as much, or felt more love without you.

And just because he's cute.....