Pre-op testing

It was so hard for me to walk into the hospital Sean will be having his surgery & not be brought back to the 1st time we went there. This time however we were doing the testing that would clear Sean for his surgery scheduled for this Monday. We stopped at the cafeteria (don't touch the ketchup. I was attacked by flies) and the food wasn't the worst I've ever had. It certainly wasn't the best either, but the coffee was decent.


We stopped at admitting to get Sean all set up and then we were sent up for his chest xray and sat in the waiting room.

As we sat there waiting to be called Sean showed us his true personality. No matter what we said to him or how we said it he smiled. Not a half hearted smile either. I full on toothless grin. As much as I love that amazing grin, it made my heart so heavy. I savored each and every second of that grin. I even managed to get a picture of it on my cell phone. Whenever I pulled out the camera, he concentrated more on that than on smiling.



Of course as I looked around I couldn't help, but comment on how Meredith would enjoy looking at the fish tank or would love to play with that toy. Sean was as good as he could be during his xray.





Then it was time to head upstairs to pediatric cardiology. As we walked down the hallway to the reception area, I started to feel nauseous. All those emotions I had felt the 1st time we were there came flooding back to me. Except this time they came flooding in all at once. I immediately started to well up with tears & told Rob that I felt sick. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach.



After I regained my composure we continued on and signed in for the rest of our cardiac tests. Sean got his EKG and I noticed that there were a couple of "hiccups" in the rhythm. When I mentioned it, the tech confirmed it. Those "hiccups" weren't there before. But no one seemed concerned & Sean's surgery is scheduled for Monday so........

Then it was off to have his echo. Our echo tech was great. We gave Sean his bottle as she did the echo and spent the entire time talking to the tech, talking to Sean, joking with each other and taking pictures. In a matter of 2 hours Sean managed to polish off 1 breast (at least 3oz) and a 7oz bottle. After his echo we were sure he'd weigh more than he did yesterday, but nope..... he still weighed 9lbs 9oz. As we were taking pictures our tech pointed out a sign that said not to take pictures.






And here is Rob "eyeballing" Sean and then laying next to his son.





And of course 10oz of breast milk will certainly put a kid into a milk coma.




After that, our next stop was the lab for bloodwork. This is the part I have dreaded. When we got there, there were 2 other kids needing bloodwork as well and they were older than Sean. One little girl was about 3 years old and she was just screaming "nnnnnoooooo!!!!" I completely lost it. Neither one of my kids has ever had to have blood taken from a vein. Meredith has had to have her finger pricked and blood collected that way and Sean has had his foot pricked. I had to leave the office. I took Sean out into the hallway & apologized to him. I squeezed him close and just rocked. I thought I heard someone humming in my ear, but I realized it was me. As I was rocking I was humming. I have no idea what I was humming, but it was coming from me.

When it was our turn, we brought Sean in had to undress him. The nurse put a bag over his pee pee because they needed a urine sample. This contraption was one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. It was like a ziploc bag with adhesive. And I just knew he was going to poop. This kid had 10oz of breast milk. It had to go somewhere.......

Rob & I held various part of Sean down and the nurse held his arm that was turning blue from the tourniquet. Sean was screaming like someone was chasing him with a chainsaw. I don't think at that moment I could've felt worse for him. The nurse stuck him and then had to pull the needle out & "find" the vessel. My poor baby.

A few minutes, which felt like a lifetime, later and he was done. We went back upstairs to cardiology to speak with the nurses and assistants. We signed the consents and I felt sick again. My baby is going for major open heart surgery. The nurse practitioner explained to us what Sean would look like after surgery. Well she explained the tubes Sean would have immediately after and that it would be up to him when those tubes were removed. I am praying & hoping that Sean will fight as hard as he can and heal quickly. I'm hoping he continues to prove everyone wrong about kids with down syndrome and comes off those tubes after the 1st day. I'm hopeful, but not delusional.

I would give anything for a working crystal ball. Ok almost anything. I want to know my baby is going to be ok. I want to know that Meredith won't be completely traumatized by us being gone. I want to know that I will be able to hold it together for my children.

I want to know that Sean knows I love him and want nothing more than for him to be healthy. I want Sean to know that Meredith adores him. I want Meredith to know that WE ARE COMING HOME with Sean. I want to know that I'm coming home with my son.

Anyone have a working crystal ball? Want to share it with me? Maybe I'll go ask the magic 8 ball.