Common themes

This morning Meredith & I headed in Manhattan to have lunch with my grandma and then to see Rob at work. We took the train into the city. Meredith LOOOOOOOVVVVEEEESSS trains. We waited on the platform & watched as the train pulled into our station. And then we sat. I don't think Meredith knew what to make of the train. She has been on the train before, but now that she's more aware of things and can vocalize what she's thinking, it's a whole new ballgame. It was also the first time we had taken the train without a stroller. This is a big milestone for both of us.









She sat in her own seat like such a big girl She watched the people on the train & copied what they did. Like grabbing the pole. She watched me to see whether it's ok to say "hi" to the strangers. I had her harness/leash on her so she couldn't wander to far, but she didn't wander anyway.






We got to my grandparents' house and Meredith was very shy. It's amazing to see two very different people try to interact with the same little girl. It's also amazing to me to see one little girl react so differently to two different people. My grandparents both had their ways of greeting Meredith and Meredith had her ways of communicating with both of them. She studied both of them very hard. She read them. It's intriguing to me to watch her study people. She feels them out first to see how to make her connection to them. She doesn't make the same connection with everyone. Some children are just outgoing and will talk, laugh & smile at anyone and everyone. Not my child. She looks for the one or two things you have in common & she builds off of that.

Great-grandma showed her the piano. Meredith loved that she could make noise.....er...... music... with her fingers. She has such a gentle touch. I showed her the different pitches each side of the keys made. I remember sitting at the very piano when I was a kid making "music". I had no idea what I was doing, but it didn't matter. I was doing it. Meredith must've felt the same way. Everyone has always said what long fingers she has. That she would be a pianist. Maybe that's true. Maybe she'll learn how to express herself through music. Wouldn't that be wonderful?



We went to lunch with my grandma. Grandpa was staying home to make appointments. He was missed, but we understand. As we walked, we met a friend of my grandmother's. She was very nice and told me that she reads my blog and that sometimes it's very engrossing. I didn't know how to react.

It's not that I didn't think people would read it. It was just that I had, for the first time, been confronted with the fact that a lot of people know way more about me than I know about them. I guess I had never given much thought to the fact that the internet is not private. Not because I thought it was. I didn't. I just never gave it much thought. I'm glad though. I'm glad people know about me and us. I'm glad people know about our journey. Our struggles. Our joys.

As we walked the streets of Manhattan to our destination, my grandmother bent over & picked a flower for Meredith. Meredith was thrilled. As we all know, she loves flowers. She studied it. She walked with her great grandma to our lunch spot and great grandma picked her another flower.









As we waited for our food to be ready, Meredith & great grandma played "football" with the flowers. Meredith laughed with such delight. It was very nice.



As my grandmother & I talked, one common theme kept coming up. It was that Sean will only teach those around him new things if they want to learn them. And that's true of anything. Sean is a gift regardless of his challenges and we'll all be surprised by the joy he brings to our lives. He'll be an amazing person in his own right.

As he grows up and I live my life through their eyes together, I'll see a whole new world than the one I see now. It will be a strange world. It will be unlike anything I have ever seen before.

Another common theme I hear from parents of special needs children is that this is the worst thing to have happened to them. Not because their kids' conditions are so horrendous, but because it's so time consuming. Until recently I hadn't realized what a constant uphill battle we'd be fighting for Sean. I didn't think that someday the battle would just magically disappear. I guess I just thought that at some point we'd get a break.

As my grandma & I talked some more, my grandmother mentioned publishing my story. I told her that I wasn't ready to be that advocate. But I guess I already am. I am Sean's advocate. I made the decision to be his advocate the very same moment I decided that placing Sean for adoption wasn't the right choice for me. I became that advocate when I made the choice to shield my children from the negativity & ignorance that they will face for as long as possible. Well..... just long enough for them to build their own feelings & thoughts about Down's Syndrome. After that I will hopefully be able to teach them that they have the ability to roll their eyes & walk away.

I am an advocate. But I'm not ready to be such a public advocate. I do welcome any and all thoughts & comments about our journey. I am glad to know that our story has touched so many different people in so many different ways.

I'm always happy to hear that as we have opened our hearts & minds, it has allowed others to open theirs.

We ended our day with a trip to Rob's office. Meredith had been waiting very patiently to see her daddy at work. We said hello to some people & then it was time to get back on the train to come home. So we watched the trains come & go as we waited for ours. Meredith stuck her nose out into the wind as the trains came into the tunnel & watched as the trains pulled out of the station. Then she ended her day in a most NYC fashion. She fell asleep on someone else on the subway for her commute home. At least she was asleep on people she knew & who love her very much.