The clouds must be clearing

I am starting to believe I can actually do this. I can raise my son & do a pretty damn good job of it. At least this is what I thought when I looked up today & saw the clouds clearing. It felt like they were clearing just for me. Like they knew at that moment I'd look up to see them and let my mind wander. And I did. My mind wandered far & fast. I wondered about what my life will be like when Sean comes. I wondered if he will get as much joy from nature as Meredith does. I wondered if he'll be able to lose himself in a flower like Meredith does.






We were sitting outside this afternoon playing. First she played with Rob and showed him the flowers that were growing in front of the house.  I wonder if he'll be as patient & loving toward Sean. I wonder if he'll take the time to show him the wonders of the world. Will he be happy to do these things with his son or not?










She brought me my bouquet. I intend to press them & frame them. I love getting these gifts from her. They always bring a smile to my face. It's like she just knows when I need a good smile. Like she's telling me "don't worry mommy. We'll get though all of this together."



Then Meredith & I decided it as time for a walk. We stopped to look at the different trees & plants that were growing. She would ask questions in a language she hopes I understand every time and I answered her. "Those are ferns Meredith. That is a pine tree Meredith. Can you smell the pine cone? Want to see where that comes from?"



Of course we took the time to be silly. It wouldn't be a good date without some silly time. I asked Meredith where her shadow was and she bent down to show it to me. She was so proud of herself. I couldn't help, but giggle. We made piggy noises & she squeezed the air out of my cheeks.















Tomorrow we have a bagel date with my friend & her daughter. I'm really looking forward to it. I miss them.