Things that make you go "AHA!"

One thing I have learned in the last couple of weeks is to stop & take notice. To not live my life so quickly. I have started to truly savior the good things & good people in my life.

For instance, we had spaghetti for dinner the other night. And instead of worrying that my arms were going to itch like crazy from the tomatoes when I took Meredith out of her seat to take a bath, I marveled at the great fun she was having just smushing the spaghetti between her fingers. Squish, squish, squish. And she loved every second of it. And we loved every second watching her.







And it's not that I didn't enjoy every second of it before we got the diagnosis for Sean, it's that I didn't savior it. I didn't engrain it into my mind so that when she asks years later about her early years I could tell her. Now I am engraving every sweet instance of our lives into my mind so I can relive them when I'm feeling down or having a rough day. I can enjoy a sweet smile all by myself and not have to share it with anyone. I will be able to tell her about it when she's older. 

Yesterday Meredith & I had ice cream on the boardwalk. We sat in the cold wind and we loved it! Of course it was chocolate with sprinkles. I love that Meredith has grown so fond of sprinkles. It makes me giggle with such delight to see her whole face covered with sprinkles. Unfortunately, she won't let me take a picture of her with sprinkles all over her. But we sat there & we laughed & we enjoyed our ice cream. Then we watched the trucks push the sand around the beach. NYC is dredging to rebuild the beaches that were damaged in the storms this winter.










I sat and watched Meredith watching the trucks. She would point & look at me inquisitively. Then she'd babble something. I answered her with, "they are moving the sand to fix the beach. That way we can come play on it." And that seemed to satisfy her. 












And as I watched her, watching them, my mine began to wander. "There are three men moving sand & changing the landscape. How amazing is it that three people can so drastically change so many people's lives in such a short amount of time? People will come to the beach all summer & never think about how that beach got the way & shape it's going to be in." And of course that led me back to Sean. I started to think about how drastically Sean has changed our landscape. He changed our landscape as soon as we found out we were having him. Then he changed our landscape again when he gave us the scare of a lifetime, when we couldn't find his heartbeat at 13 weeks. Then again when we found out he was a boy and again when we found out there was a chance for a problem. But our landscapes have never been so dramatically changed as when we found out he had a heart defect. And then again when we found out he had down's.

Our landscape continues to change. Forever evolving. He continues to make me slow down & admire the change. Even though the change really isn't all good. I can appreciate that it's changing. I can appreciate the lessons he teaches teaches us. Everything happening in our lives has given us new perspective on what's truly important.

For me, it's truly important to know that it will be ok. My life will continue and my landscape will continue to evolve. It may not all be good. There may not be pretty flowers & sunshine, but the pretty flowers & sunshine will come again.

No matter what happens to our lives we have been blessed to have Sean show us so many things in such a short time. He has shown us to stop & enjoy the little things. He has shown us how supportive people can be in tough situations. He has shown us that there is still some good in the world around us that if we don't seek it out, we'll never see it. He has shown us that there are more important things in life.