A Mixed Bag

I know being a mixed bag of emotions comes with the territory of being a parent. I know that it comes with the territory of being human. I'm just getting kind of tired of feeling them all at once.

I'm intensely happy about Sean coming, but I'm also growing increasingly bitter. I see so many women struggle to get pregnant. Then I see a lot of women struggle to have healthy pregnancies that end with 100% healthy children. Not 5 seconds later do I see people who are pregnant and smoking or have babies & smoking while holding them. I can't help, but feel bitter. Here I am. I live a relatively healthy lifestyle. I take care of my child in the best manner I know how. I research & research things that involve Meredith & her health and well being. And I get stuck with a baby who not only has down's syndrome, but also a heart defect. Then the next minute I don't feel stuck. I feel like if someone had to get him, I guess it should be me rather than a woman who couldn't care less to stop smoking. It's very overwhelming to me to feel so many emotions. I'm used to being able to pick things apart and deal with things one part at a time.

I felt incredibly happy when I thought about how much Sean will learn so much from meredith. When Meredith was born I struggled with stimulating her. Is she playing enough? Am I doing enough to teach her things? Am I feeding her enough? To much? To often? Is she sleeping enough? You name it, I questioned it. I always felt I should be or could be doing more for Meredith.

Once Sean is here, I won't have to worry about whether he is playing or learning enough because he won't have any choice, but to engage in activities with us. That makes me happy to know that he won't be lacking for fun & learning.

Speaking of fun & learning..... Meredith & I watched the space shuttle landing. For me it's always momentous to see a shuttle take off or land with no issue. After her nap we went to the Water Wheel Cafe. They have a working water wheel in it that we were able to go see. Obviously they don't use it to generate power anymore, but it's always cool to see. First we shared some carrot cake and we each got a lemonade. I thought by getting her her own lemonade, she'd leave mine alone. That didn't happen. She still wanted mine and apparently was saving hers.







Meredith thought the water wheel was the best thing to see. The only problem was that it was 3 flights of things to see, but no air conditioning. It didn't really matter though. Meredith enjoyed it and I enjoyed watching her.












When we walked back to the car, Meredith stopped to smell some more flowers. These were different than she had seen before. She kept saying "purple. purple." And then she leaned in for a sniff. I asked her if they smelled good & she clapped. I guess that means yes.









We made it to the store to get Sean's bear. I was so happy that they still sold them. I bought Meredith's a few months before she was born. They had Sean's name and he's so cute. At the store Meredith met a Papipoo. As the lady in the store informed us, he is a designer mutt. He's a poodle, papillon mix. He loved Meredith and Meredith loved playing with him.



We went upstairs to look at the bear & they not only had Sean's, but they also had the same one I had bought Meredith. Not only did they have them, but the two that were displayed had Meredith's & Sean's names. I was floored. I took it as a sign that this was meant to be. I was a little eery. After we paid for it, Meredith was so proud to hold the bear we had just bought for her little brother.









We went to home depot to return some things and then we looked at tick insecticide. As I was talking to the associate, who happened to be a man, my wonderful child pointed at my chest, stuck her finger on my boob & screamed "BOOBY!!!" Yes ladies & germs..... that is my child. I was mortified.

I wonder what adventures we'll have tomorrow. Maybe we'll use the peanut butter fudge to make peanut butter fudge brownies. Well... that's if it lasts that long. It's good stuff.