The definition of my life

I don't want our lives to be defined by Down's Syndrome. I don't want that to be who my son is. I want it to only be what he has. However, I don't want him to feel isolated from the down's syndrome world. I just don't want to be consumed by it. I worry about this constantly. I don't want our identities to be Down's Syndrome. Like we're wearing a big DS on our shirts like the scarlett letter.

I have found myself watching people with their children and if I wasn't a Judgy McJudgerson before, I certainly am now. I always wonder how in the world these people came to have such normal children. Especially when they treat them so terribly. I start to feel sorry for myself. Why me and not them? Why was I graced with such heartache? Why was I given this child? If I had just waited another month, would I have had a better egg and not be in the turmoil I'm in now? We discussed the Duggars last night. How come they get to have 19 kids and not one of them has a genetic disorder? Us..... we try to be good people. We only have 2 kids and we get stuck.

But then I wonder if he's not supposed to be here. I mean obviously the stars had have aligned in just such a way, I ate the right kind of pineapple or walked at just the right angle, or something for this kid to be here. Lord knows that those of us who tried for months & months to get pregnant know that if one molecule of time is off, your chances for that month are kaput. So maybe he's supposed to be ours. Maybe he's sent here to ground us.

Maybe he was sent here to show us the overwhelming love & support that people are capable of. We are blessed to have so many people who are happy to walk on this journey with us. Through the good & bad. We can't express enough appreciation & love to all of you holding our hands.